The Awkward, Bittersweet, Discomforts of Learning

When I am criticized I feel many different emotions at once. A few that come to mind are self – conscious and flawed, but attentive and open to what the criticizer is saying – and that is just scratching the surface. However, I have definitely learned how to take criticism. In fact, every piece of constructive criticism that I can remember receiving, I wound up truly appreciating. The response I tend to have when receiving criticism is reflected in my Emotional Intelligence score of an average 104.

If I had a lower EQ, I probably would not be able to appreciate the constructive criticism I have received nor would I be able to be as attentive and reflective as I am about criticism. A less emotionally intelligent me might shut down and block out what the criticizer was saying. However, a more emotionally intelligent me – which is what I fully intend to become – would probably be less fearful of and unnecessarily sensitive about criticism. It is not uncommon for me to futilely beat myself up over what someone told me to improve on before I do what I should have done originally – receive the criticism as an indication of areas where I may be able to grow and take steps to do so.

As far as giving criticism is concerned, at my worst, I can be too beat-around-the-bush, so I won’t offend the person – which does not end up helping anyone and just reflects insecurity in me. At my best I can be very tactful and sensitive and still effectively get my point across in a direct, but non-abrasive fashion. Both these positive and negative aspects of my criticizing skills are definitely reflected in my EQ score.

I tend to get along well with co-workers and classmates for group projects or extracurricular activities because I am sensitive to others, a good listener, and a hard worker. In the past, bosses have found me to be a very reliable, therefore, trustworthy employee. However, in school, I have always disliked group projects. I much prefer working alone and depending on myself to get jobs done.

I used the LMX (Leader-member exchange) theory a lot during my three plus year employment at a dollar store in my hometown without even realizing it in two superior-subordinate relationships (Campbell Eichorn 316). My manager, Toni, and I developed a high LMX relationship by establishing connections between us through conversation about things like our families (we were both very family-oriented), pets, and certain customers. “The more similar two people perceive themselves to be, the more attractive they are to one another…result in increased interaction between among leaders and members, thus contributing to the level of trust” (Campbell Eichorn 318).

I also used this theory with my assistant manager, Kevin. I was honestly scared of Kevin when I first started working there because he was a very sarcastic person who seemed to get kicks out of teasing other employees – especially new ones. Over time, however, he and I started talking about movies and television shows and found that we had an extremely similar taste in these areas. Once that similarity was established between the two of us, we went on to have a friendly working relationship. I am also able to take a joke, laugh, and not take it personally. This also made it easy for Kevin to get along with me and we communicated primarily through making fun of one another.

If I was not happy (or not having my needs met) at work or at school, I cannot imagine my personal life would not suffer while such a huge area of dissatisfaction in my life was always on my mind. Through much of Elementary and Middle School, I found myself very unhappy being there - between the difficulties I had feeling as though I belonged with my peers and the several teachers I had that caused me to feel stupid and inadequate. My hatred for school definitely impacted my out-of-school life significantly, causing me to be depressed.

In a work or school setting, the two basic needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy– physiological and safety (Campbell Eichorn 14) – obviously need to be met before satisfaction is even in the realm of possibilities. To reach the next need of belongingness, I have to interact with others whether they are new friends, co-workers, or bosses, to form connections with them. Like I said above, in Elementary and Middle School, I never fully reached "belongingness," which caused me to have an overall negative experience with school. Only after reaching belongingness can the fourth level of self-esteem be experienced. Once that fourth level is reached, it possible to move onto the final level of self-actualization. Luckily, here at Rider, I feel that reaching this final level is possible and that I am on my way toward it.

However, in college it can be difficult to find a balance between doing well while still having a satisfying social life. This has certainly been a trial-and-error process for me so far. Like many freshman, I had difficulty finding this balance during my first year. Unlike many freshmen, I submerged myself in the work and studying aspect of college, while my social life suffered, causing unhappiness and loneliness. I have learned that while doing well in school should be my first priority, I need to set aside time each day to hang out with and talk to my friends. I am much more relaxed about school work this year and have developed better stress management skills.

However, I know I never could have gotten to that place if I did not recognize and learn from my mistakes last year. The learning process can be painful and confusing, but I've found that the lesson finally learned is always worth all the unpleasantness endured while learning it.