My Communication Audit

What better way to get an overview of what your communication style looks like to others than to directly ask the people that you regularly communicate with? I can’t think of one. However, I could not help but take notice of my extreme reluctance in having to actually ask the people I knew what their perceptions of my communication were. This reluctance made me realize that I am uncomfortable with metacommunication or, communication about communication (Campbell Eichorn 11).

However, when I finally did ask some close friends and family members what their perceptions of my verbal and nonverbal communication were, I was pleasantly surprised. I got responses such as fun, friendly, casual, and focused from a few friends I had asked. I was also delighted to hear from a good friend I had a “direct” style of communication. I have been working to improve my assertive communication skills for years now due to the trouble that lack of assertiveness got me into in earlier years. Although I know I have a ways to go, it was exciting to hear that my communication style bares even a noticeable resemblance to direct!

The assertive communication section on page 343 in Interpersonal Communication was something of particular interest to me. I liked how it dissected assertion into three components – empathy, rationale, and action. Seeing it laid out like that made it easier to work these specific components into my relationships.

When I got sick of all the positive feedback, I went to the brutal honesty of my sisters. They also said that when I am angry, my communication can be less than effective with my tendency to yell and swear, throwing “empathy” and “rationale” out the window. I couldn’t argue with my need for improvement in this area. All in all though, hearing what others had to say about my communication made me realize that I am far more critical of myself and my communication than anyone I am communicating with.

In a combination of what others noticed and what I noticed, I compiled this top-ten list of topics I most often talk about. The more colorful, the more I know. The blacker, the less I know:

My family
School
My friends
My feelings
Other’s lives and issues (giving advice)
My life and issues
Interests
Men
Food
About others (gossiping or venting)

I didn’t feel comfortable declaring through color that I knew everything about any one topic listed. There are always some black areas. I noticed that some areas that I did not feel I knew much about such as food – I am no nutritionist, and men – they still seem like somewhat of a different species to me, still came up a lot in conversation simply because I am passionate about both topics. I love food and I am naturally attracted to guys.

The most recent example of communication anxiety that comes to mind happened over the summer. My aunt’s mother died suddenly and tragically from throat cancer. Before arriving at her wake, I felt very anxious about how I would approach my aunt and her family and what kinds of things I should or should not say. I took things one step at a time and tried to make sure I was constantly acting and speaking out of love for my aunt and her family that night. I showed my love and sympathy mainly through hugs and listening diligently to what the priest said, rather than through talking.

A big part of the reason why I was able to effectively handle this situation had to do with my personality and the kind of listener I am. I most closely identify with the people-oriented listener (Campbell Eichorn 136). I find that when I communicate with others my objective is almost always to relate to and form connections with them. This may be why I notice people tend to come to me for advice and advice giving is one of my top ten conversation topics. Although, as indicated, I may not always know everything about that person or what advice to give, I do listen.

Reading the stories about Jim and Steve, who are paraplegic, filled me with empathy towards their struggles and helped to reinforce that their identity as human beings always needs to come first. I could relate in a way because my father lost the bottom half of his left leg in a motorcycle accident right before I was born. Like Jim, my dad has always been a very independent person and hates being the object of sympathy. These stories definitely confirmed what I have observed in my dad over the years and struck a chord with me.

Through conducting this audit of my communication I learned that while it is important to be able to reflect internally, it is equally as important to be comfortable asking for feedback from other people. The fact of the matter is that people need other people and that communication is fundamental to this need. Some seem to be more in tune with that fact than others and I hope to become more so myself. The classic Ella Ftizgerald song, “People” came to mind as I wrapped this entry up:

"People" Lyrics

"People, people who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
We’re children needing other children
And yet letting our grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside"