When I am criticized I feel many different emotions at once. A few that come to mind are self – conscious and flawed, but attentive and open to what the criticizer is saying – and that is just scratching the surface. However, I have definitely learned how to take criticism. In fact, every piece of constructive criticism that I can remember receiving, I wound up truly appreciating. The response I tend to have when receiving criticism is reflected in my Emotional Intelligence score of an average 104.
If I had a lower EQ, I probably would not be able to appreciate the constructive criticism I have received nor would I be able to be as attentive and reflective as I am about criticism. A less emotionally intelligent me might shut down and block out what the criticizer was saying. However, a more emotionally intelligent me – which is what I fully intend to become – would probably be less fearful of and unnecessarily sensitive about criticism. It is not uncommon for me to futilely beat myself up over what someone told me to improve on before I do what I should have done originally – receive the criticism as an indication of areas where I may be able to grow and take steps to do so.
As far as giving criticism is concerned, at my worst, I can be too beat-around-the-bush, so I won’t offend the person – which does not end up helping anyone and just reflects insecurity in me. At my best I can be very tactful and sensitive and still effectively get my point across in a direct, but non-abrasive fashion. Both these positive and negative aspects of my criticizing skills are definitely reflected in my EQ score.
I tend to get along well with co-workers and classmates for group projects or extracurricular activities because I am sensitive to others, a good listener, and a hard worker. In the past, bosses have found me to be a very reliable, therefore, trustworthy employee. However, in school, I have always disliked group projects. I much prefer working alone and depending on myself to get jobs done.
I used the LMX (Leader-member exchange) theory a lot during my three plus year employment at a dollar store in my hometown without even realizing it in two superior-subordinate relationships (Campbell Eichorn 316). My manager, Toni, and I developed a high LMX relationship by establishing connections between us through conversation about things like our families (we were both very family-oriented), pets, and certain customers. “The more similar two people perceive themselves to be, the more attractive they are to one another…result in increased interaction between among leaders and members, thus contributing to the level of trust” (Campbell Eichorn 318).
I also used this theory with my assistant manager, Kevin. I was honestly scared of Kevin when I first started working there because he was a very sarcastic person who seemed to get kicks out of teasing other employees – especially new ones. Over time, however, he and I started talking about movies and television shows and found that we had an extremely similar taste in these areas. Once that similarity was established between the two of us, we went on to have a friendly working relationship. I am also able to take a joke, laugh, and not take it personally. This also made it easy for Kevin to get along with me and we communicated primarily through making fun of one another.
If I was not happy (or not having my needs met) at work or at school, I cannot imagine my personal life would not suffer while such a huge area of dissatisfaction in my life was always on my mind. Through much of Elementary and Middle School, I found myself very unhappy being there - between the difficulties I had feeling as though I belonged with my peers and the several teachers I had that caused me to feel stupid and inadequate. My hatred for school definitely impacted my out-of-school life significantly, causing me to be depressed.
In a work or school setting, the two basic needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy– physiological and safety (Campbell Eichorn 14) – obviously need to be met before satisfaction is even in the realm of possibilities. To reach the next need of belongingness, I have to interact with others whether they are new friends, co-workers, or bosses, to form connections with them. Like I said above, in Elementary and Middle School, I never fully reached "belongingness," which caused me to have an overall negative experience with school. Only after reaching belongingness can the fourth level of self-esteem be experienced. Once that fourth level is reached, it possible to move onto the final level of self-actualization. Luckily, here at Rider, I feel that reaching this final level is possible and that I am on my way toward it.
However, in college it can be difficult to find a balance between doing well while still having a satisfying social life. This has certainly been a trial-and-error process for me so far. Like many freshman, I had difficulty finding this balance during my first year. Unlike many freshmen, I submerged myself in the work and studying aspect of college, while my social life suffered, causing unhappiness and loneliness. I have learned that while doing well in school should be my first priority, I need to set aside time each day to hang out with and talk to my friends. I am much more relaxed about school work this year and have developed better stress management skills.
However, I know I never could have gotten to that place if I did not recognize and learn from my mistakes last year. The learning process can be painful and confusing, but I've found that the lesson finally learned is always worth all the unpleasantness endured while learning it.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
My Communication Audit
What better way to get an overview of what your communication style looks like to others than to directly ask the people that you regularly communicate with? I can’t think of one. However, I could not help but take notice of my extreme reluctance in having to actually ask the people I knew what their perceptions of my communication were. This reluctance made me realize that I am uncomfortable with metacommunication or, communication about communication (Campbell Eichorn 11).
However, when I finally did ask some close friends and family members what their perceptions of my verbal and nonverbal communication were, I was pleasantly surprised. I got responses such as fun, friendly, casual, and focused from a few friends I had asked. I was also delighted to hear from a good friend I had a “direct” style of communication. I have been working to improve my assertive communication skills for years now due to the trouble that lack of assertiveness got me into in earlier years. Although I know I have a ways to go, it was exciting to hear that my communication style bares even a noticeable resemblance to direct!
The assertive communication section on page 343 in Interpersonal Communication was something of particular interest to me. I liked how it dissected assertion into three components – empathy, rationale, and action. Seeing it laid out like that made it easier to work these specific components into my relationships.
When I got sick of all the positive feedback, I went to the brutal honesty of my sisters. They also said that when I am angry, my communication can be less than effective with my tendency to yell and swear, throwing “empathy” and “rationale” out the window. I couldn’t argue with my need for improvement in this area. All in all though, hearing what others had to say about my communication made me realize that I am far more critical of myself and my communication than anyone I am communicating with.
In a combination of what others noticed and what I noticed, I compiled this top-ten list of topics I most often talk about. The more colorful, the more I know. The blacker, the less I know:
The most recent example of communication anxiety that comes to mind happened over the summer. My aunt’s mother died suddenly and tragically from throat cancer. Before arriving at her wake, I felt very anxious about how I would approach my aunt and her family and what kinds of things I should or should not say. I took things one step at a time and tried to make sure I was constantly acting and speaking out of love for my aunt and her family that night. I showed my love and sympathy mainly through hugs and listening diligently to what the priest said, rather than through talking.
Reading the stories about Jim and Steve, who are paraplegic, filled me with empathy towards their struggles and helped to reinforce that their identity as human beings always needs to come first. I could relate in a way because my father lost the bottom half of his left leg in a motorcycle accident right before I was born. Like Jim, my dad has always been a very independent person and hates being the object of sympathy. These stories definitely confirmed what I have observed in my dad over the years and struck a chord with me.
Through conducting this audit of my communication I learned that while it is important to be able to reflect internally, it is equally as important to be comfortable asking for feedback from other people. The fact of the matter is that people need other people and that communication is fundamental to this need. Some seem to be more in tune with that fact than others and I hope to become more so myself. The classic Ella Ftizgerald song, “People” came to mind as I wrapped this entry up:
However, when I finally did ask some close friends and family members what their perceptions of my verbal and nonverbal communication were, I was pleasantly surprised. I got responses such as fun, friendly, casual, and focused from a few friends I had asked. I was also delighted to hear from a good friend I had a “direct” style of communication. I have been working to improve my assertive communication skills for years now due to the trouble that lack of assertiveness got me into in earlier years. Although I know I have a ways to go, it was exciting to hear that my communication style bares even a noticeable resemblance to direct!
The assertive communication section on page 343 in Interpersonal Communication was something of particular interest to me. I liked how it dissected assertion into three components – empathy, rationale, and action. Seeing it laid out like that made it easier to work these specific components into my relationships.
When I got sick of all the positive feedback, I went to the brutal honesty of my sisters. They also said that when I am angry, my communication can be less than effective with my tendency to yell and swear, throwing “empathy” and “rationale” out the window. I couldn’t argue with my need for improvement in this area. All in all though, hearing what others had to say about my communication made me realize that I am far more critical of myself and my communication than anyone I am communicating with.
In a combination of what others noticed and what I noticed, I compiled this top-ten list of topics I most often talk about. The more colorful, the more I know. The blacker, the less I know:
My family
School
My friends
My feelings
Other’s lives and issues (giving advice)
My life and issues
Interests
Men
Food
About others (gossiping or venting)
School
My friends
My feelings
Other’s lives and issues (giving advice)
My life and issues
Interests
Men
Food
About others (gossiping or venting)
I didn’t feel comfortable declaring through color that I knew everything about any one topic listed. There are always some black areas. I noticed that some areas that I did not feel I knew much about such as food – I am no nutritionist, and men – they still seem like somewhat of a different species to me, still came up a lot in conversation simply because I am passionate about both topics. I love food and I am naturally attracted to guys.
The most recent example of communication anxiety that comes to mind happened over the summer. My aunt’s mother died suddenly and tragically from throat cancer. Before arriving at her wake, I felt very anxious about how I would approach my aunt and her family and what kinds of things I should or should not say. I took things one step at a time and tried to make sure I was constantly acting and speaking out of love for my aunt and her family that night. I showed my love and sympathy mainly through hugs and listening diligently to what the priest said, rather than through talking.
A big part of the reason why I was able to effectively handle this situation had to do with my personality and the kind of listener I am. I most closely identify with the people-oriented listener (Campbell Eichorn 136). I find that when I communicate with others my objective is almost always to relate to and form connections with them. This may be why I notice people tend to come to me for advice and advice giving is one of my top ten conversation topics. Although, as indicated, I may not always know everything about that person or what advice to give, I do listen.
Reading the stories about Jim and Steve, who are paraplegic, filled me with empathy towards their struggles and helped to reinforce that their identity as human beings always needs to come first. I could relate in a way because my father lost the bottom half of his left leg in a motorcycle accident right before I was born. Like Jim, my dad has always been a very independent person and hates being the object of sympathy. These stories definitely confirmed what I have observed in my dad over the years and struck a chord with me.
Through conducting this audit of my communication I learned that while it is important to be able to reflect internally, it is equally as important to be comfortable asking for feedback from other people. The fact of the matter is that people need other people and that communication is fundamental to this need. Some seem to be more in tune with that fact than others and I hope to become more so myself. The classic Ella Ftizgerald song, “People” came to mind as I wrapped this entry up:
"People, people who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
We’re children needing other children
And yet letting our grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside"
Are the luckiest people in the world
We’re children needing other children
And yet letting our grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside"
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Hello, I'm Kaitlin. Nice to Meet You.
So who am I really? Shallowly, my name is Kaitlin and I am a Communications major with a track in speech and interpersonal communication and a minor in Political Science. A little less shallowly, to reflect my organized nature, I will list the first five adjectives that popped into my head as I was asked to describe myself. I will then elaborate on each of them. Here they were: driven, introverted, creative, opinionated, and sensitive.
I am driven, as a full-time college student balancing my GPA and campus involvement. I am an introverted reflector and find inspiration more from within than any other place. Since I am a big reflector, the question of who I am is not one I haven’t thought about before. I am also creative in my own way, especially as it pertains to writing.
My ideal career would be one where I am able to express myself through writing and independent innovation. In fact, writing has been the only persistent passion throughout my life. I have always had a very vivid imagination and used to write novels (never published, though) for fun when I was only eleven years old.
I am opinionated and rarely apathetic in any matter. I am sensitive – sometimes to a fault – and usually quick to pick up on and respond to signals from others. Although this was not one of the adjectives I chose, my Christian faith is also a major part of my life and who I am. My mother is primarily responsible for introducing me to these beliefs and instilling them in me.
When asked to write down five of the most important people in my life, each and every person was a family member – my mother, two sisters, father, and grandmother (or “Granny” as we call her). They are the most crucial people in my life. The ultimate I-thous. Nobody knows me like they do. My younger sisters and I are within three years of one another and I would definitely consider them my two best friends. I am also close with my parents and rarely go a day without talking to my mom on the phone at least twice.
Being away at college here in New Jersey, separated from the family I am so close to back home in Connecticut, has certainly been quite a positive character–building experience for me. However when I end phone conversations with my mom in, “can’t wait to live within spitting distance!” I truly do mean that. I feel that near my family is ultimately where I belong.
The me that I envision tomorrow is more assertive, self assured, self-accepting, decisive, honest, open, communicative, and firmly rooted in my religious beliefs than the me that is today. I am always working towards this envisioned me, but I do sometimes have to make sure I am not too hard on myself in the process since I tend to be, by far, my own worst critic.
Self confidence was never something that came naturally to me, but through my mid-teen years up until now, my confidence has slowly, but surely began to develop and continues to. To be honest, I have never truly felt like my own person until recently. Through this, I’ve realized that I need to know and embrace who I am now before I can ever become the person that I want to be.
I am driven, as a full-time college student balancing my GPA and campus involvement. I am an introverted reflector and find inspiration more from within than any other place. Since I am a big reflector, the question of who I am is not one I haven’t thought about before. I am also creative in my own way, especially as it pertains to writing.
My ideal career would be one where I am able to express myself through writing and independent innovation. In fact, writing has been the only persistent passion throughout my life. I have always had a very vivid imagination and used to write novels (never published, though) for fun when I was only eleven years old.
I am opinionated and rarely apathetic in any matter. I am sensitive – sometimes to a fault – and usually quick to pick up on and respond to signals from others. Although this was not one of the adjectives I chose, my Christian faith is also a major part of my life and who I am. My mother is primarily responsible for introducing me to these beliefs and instilling them in me.
When asked to write down five of the most important people in my life, each and every person was a family member – my mother, two sisters, father, and grandmother (or “Granny” as we call her). They are the most crucial people in my life. The ultimate I-thous. Nobody knows me like they do. My younger sisters and I are within three years of one another and I would definitely consider them my two best friends. I am also close with my parents and rarely go a day without talking to my mom on the phone at least twice.
Being away at college here in New Jersey, separated from the family I am so close to back home in Connecticut, has certainly been quite a positive character–building experience for me. However when I end phone conversations with my mom in, “can’t wait to live within spitting distance!” I truly do mean that. I feel that near my family is ultimately where I belong.
The me that I envision tomorrow is more assertive, self assured, self-accepting, decisive, honest, open, communicative, and firmly rooted in my religious beliefs than the me that is today. I am always working towards this envisioned me, but I do sometimes have to make sure I am not too hard on myself in the process since I tend to be, by far, my own worst critic.
Self confidence was never something that came naturally to me, but through my mid-teen years up until now, my confidence has slowly, but surely began to develop and continues to. To be honest, I have never truly felt like my own person until recently. Through this, I’ve realized that I need to know and embrace who I am now before I can ever become the person that I want to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)